Lauren Bressett, Cheshire UNH Cooperative Extension Educator, 4-H
Youth Development
Adolescence is a challenging time.
Physically it is a time of rapid, uneven growth triggered by large
hormonal shifts. Our teens are interested in the opposite sex,
sensitive to what others think of them, and desperately want to fit in
with their peers.
At the same time they are seeking independence and struggling to
develop their own moral and ethical character.
They want to be respected and thought of on an adult level but still
show huge variations in maturity of judgment. They resent criticism
and put downs but are quick to do this to their parents.
When we ask teens what they think we find that:
- 85% of them feel their parents care about
them and are there for them
- 87% feel their parents are interested in what
they are learning and how they are doing
- 35% consider their parents their most
positive role model and
- 30% would go to their parents first with a
problem
But less than half of our teens had good talks
with their parents about the risks of drinking and using drugs, less
than a third about having sex, birth control, or the risk of sexually
transmitted infections.
We know that the basic needs of humans include:
- Safety and structure
- Belonging & group membership
- Self worth and ability to contribute
- Independence and control over one’s life
- Closeness and several good relationships
- Competence and mastery
- Self-awareness
In addition, research shows that there are
consistent characteristics of healthy youth which include:
- Love and support from families and friends
- Boundaries including clear standards,
monitoring, and appropriate discipline
- Time spent in structured, positive activities
with peers and others
- Motivation to do well and future aspirations
- Positive values including caring about one’s
self, community, environment and other people
- Social competence, the ability to function in
our social world.
Thus the message for us as parents is that we do
need to monitor our youth as they grow, we still have a role in
setting limits but we need to work with our teens to insure that we
are providing the best structure that meets their needs at the moment
and that we change this structure to meet their changing needs.
Does this matter? Yes, statistics show that teens in this region who
are monitored by their parents are 3 times less likely to use alcohol
and are less involved in other risky behavior. And, regardless of what
your teen tells you, 82% of teens report that their parents ask where
they are going and are expected to call their parents if they will be
late, 75% of parents know their teen’s friends and who they will be
with, and 59% of the local teens talk with their parents about their
plans with friends.
So what is our role? We need to provide varied learning experiences.
We need to provide safe opportunities for them to meet their need for
risk taking. We need to encourage their involvement in activities with
their peers, with others in our community and in service learning
experiences.
We must develop an atmosphere that promotes mutual respect by
discussing our viewpoints on issues in the news and in the community
and asking for their views. In those discussions, we need to be
accepting of their viewpoints and gently point out illogical thoughts
or misperceptions without sarcasm. We need to provide opportunities
for informal conversations on a regular basis including having at
least one family meal together each week.
We need to be a role model, not only for our own teens but for their
friends as well. We need to demonstrate and encourage development of
honesty, fairness, and responsibility for one’s actions and
consistently discuss the consequences of one’s actions. And don’t
think this is the norm in the region, the regional Teen Assessment
Project survey showed that 23% of local youth get alcohol from their
own parents or their friend’s parents, 51% drink at home or at their
friend’s home, and 28% worry about parental use of substances.
We must provide the boundaries. We need to set limits but we also need
to involve our teens in the determination of what those limits are and
what the consequences will be when those boundaries are not respected.
We need to consistently give reasons for the limits we set but
willingly listen to their expressions of need for change in those
limits. We need to reward their growing maturity with increased
responsibility. And lastly, we need to remember to enjoy the journey
as our teens develop into capable adulthood.
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